Sneak away

A confession....some times I sneak away and play solitaire. I love the feeling of seeing a new hand of cards. I never smoked, but I imagine it is how a smoker feels when they light up - the immediate promise of a few purely selfish moments. Escape. Of course, a few minutes later, the pure state is broken and I’m back in the present. But for a few moments, it’s just me and the hearts and spades.

Woven Christmas wreath: What to do with all my great holiday fabrics? Based on a wonderful article about woven book covers in "Cloth Paper Scissors," I wove some fabrics and ribbons into a circle, covered with sparkly netting, stamped and machine quilted. Painted gold acrylic streaks onto tired red holly fabric for a shiny bow.

Fun but as of yet, a bit too floppy for door hanging....

Courage and fear

I have more ideas than courage. I have an idea for a calligraphy project but I've spent hours today procrastinating – doing laundry, playing solitaire and even making bread! Ha! (I haven’t made bread in years.) When I am at work, I long for more art-making time. When I have the time, I have to face my art-fears, and often I while my time away unconstructively.

Eckhardt Tolle says behind a negative self concept is a desire to be superior. Perhaps my desire for “perfect” calligraphy keeps me from starting… if I can’t do it absolutely beautifully, then I won’t do it at all. Of course the irony is I’ll never get better unless I work at it and accept muddles. As E. T. would say, I need to allow the dimishment of my calligraphy ego!

The pictured project is a hoot – black marker outline with acrylic paint on a medium-weight cotton. I taped the fabric to the wall and swirled away. It is a permanent addition to my kitchen counter, and I paint sections as time allows (while drinking red wine, cooking dinner and watching the news with Jim Lehrer.) Am running out of color ideas, though. Eventually I plan to machine quilt amongst the swirls.

Back to my calligraphy :-)

Frail or Resilient?

My car has a new spoiler.
It’s not a shiny fin, metallic wing or even a mermaid -
It’s a spider web.
Two thin gossamer strands curving from the front,
up and over the top of my small car.
For a fortnight now, these silken strands
have traveled with me up and down the highway – hundreds of miles.
They sway gently as the car hurls forward.
Grace under pressure.
I think about my ageing body, vulnerable to the inevitability of time,
And realize there can be strength in frailty, grace in simplicity.
Heartened, I travel on

Solutions evolve

I've combined two thoughts about problems: “The meaning and purpose of a problem seem to lie not in its solution, but in our working at it incessantly.” By C. G. Jung; and “You cannot solve a problem on the same level you created it” by A. Einstein. The arrangement of the words resembled the wings of a butterfly so I added more. I liked the notion of butterflies emerging like new ways of viewing old problems.

The medium is acrylic ink on canvas with appliqué. I first painted the canvas in Lisa Engelbrecht’s class and of course I admire her work a lot so her calligraphy is a huge inspiration for me. I've painted some of the butterfly fabrics with Golden acrylic paint and iridescent medium. The canvas was also sewn with sparkly Ricky Tims thread.

Fun! Now it’s time to tend to my weedy garden!

Art brings depth

Sometimes I go for days without making art, or viewing images. My life becomes dreary, drab, flat. It's taken me fifty years to recognize the symptoms and know when I need an art fix.

This self-portrait shows that when I am stuck in my left-brain "black and white" state, I feel lifeless. When I shift to my right-brain self, I become playful, creative, colorful-I feel alive.

Breathe and listen

Meditation for an early morning walk:
"breathe" (inhale)
"listen" (exhale)

The trees, the birds -all were listening. Rain was in the air, and there was silence. The breath of the wind, expectation, tension.

In India, children say God is within. As I breathe, I send my thoughts downward, spiraling inward like my breath. Do I find God? Not today. But I find quiet, and peace- which is enough.

Candy

I am a candy eater. There, I said it. I am a candy-eater. I AM A CANDY EATER. I SNEAK candy, I hide candy. I have candy in my office - hidden in several different drawers and cupboards.....I open a drawer ever-so-slightly, sneak out the candy and then shut the drawer. Some times, I don't even look at the candy, I just eat it. I eat candy for frustration, insecurity, fatigue, boredom, when I feel rebellious and when I'm hungry. I eat candy when what I really want is to have fun, be outside, be creative, or just get out of my left brain for a while. I also have candy in my car and in my kitchen in all these different places:

So now I am no longer going to hide! I have "come out" about my CANDY EATING!

The problem is, I am eating unconsciously. I’m working after all, and stressing, and worrying and pushing myself to “do more” and “do better” and “finish everything.” I eat and eat and then at some point when I become conscious, I am uncomfortable. Unhappy and even slightly repulsed at what I just ate…. what am I doing to my body??

The truth is, I have sneaked candy my whole life. I sneaked it home. I bought candy after school. Part of me thinks it has some magical properties that make my life, even momentarily, happy. Removes all my pain...Gives me a treat when everything else about life is hard....

Every so ofen, I say “I am going to diet.” Then I mostly go on with life as usual. This year, I am doing things differently, so….This week, I AM GOING TO EAT CANDY FOR BREAKFAST. Here is my breakfast:

My thinking is, I can be more conscious at breakfast when I don’t have work to distract me. I will explore the candy, focus on it, enjoy it, feel ENTITLED to eat candy in front of my family, experiment and feel the effects of the candy. I won’t be distracted and pre-occupied. I think that the experience of eating candy consciously will be different than eating candy unconsciously. Maybe I will get my fill?? Maybe not....

family photos, psychology, creativity, quilting and calligraphy books on the left; spirituality, religion, poetry, fiction, and engineering books to the right (and more quilting...)

My bookshelf is me

I just organized my bookshelf. As I worked, it became important to get it "just right." Certain books belonged next to other books. Some old books were cast out, while others older still, were treasured. As the organization emerged, it became a manifestation of my life - where I have been, philosophies I traversed, who I am becoming. And so the bookshelf is a good introduction to who I am.

Here are some of my art quilts. What I do mostly is procrastinate. For every moment that I create (and love it), I spend many more moments dealing with my fears, reluctances, and conflicting artistic desires. My goal this year is to move beyond my safety - beyond my envelope.