Candy

I am a candy eater. There, I said it. I am a candy-eater. I AM A CANDY EATER. I SNEAK candy, I hide candy. I have candy in my office - hidden in several different drawers and cupboards.....I open a drawer ever-so-slightly, sneak out the candy and then shut the drawer. Some times, I don't even look at the candy, I just eat it. I eat candy for frustration, insecurity, fatigue, boredom, when I feel rebellious and when I'm hungry. I eat candy when what I really want is to have fun, be outside, be creative, or just get out of my left brain for a while. I also have candy in my car and in my kitchen in all these different places:

So now I am no longer going to hide! I have "come out" about my CANDY EATING!

The problem is, I am eating unconsciously. I’m working after all, and stressing, and worrying and pushing myself to “do more” and “do better” and “finish everything.” I eat and eat and then at some point when I become conscious, I am uncomfortable. Unhappy and even slightly repulsed at what I just ate…. what am I doing to my body??

The truth is, I have sneaked candy my whole life. I sneaked it home. I bought candy after school. Part of me thinks it has some magical properties that make my life, even momentarily, happy. Removes all my pain...Gives me a treat when everything else about life is hard....

Every so ofen, I say “I am going to diet.” Then I mostly go on with life as usual. This year, I am doing things differently, so….This week, I AM GOING TO EAT CANDY FOR BREAKFAST. Here is my breakfast:

My thinking is, I can be more conscious at breakfast when I don’t have work to distract me. I will explore the candy, focus on it, enjoy it, feel ENTITLED to eat candy in front of my family, experiment and feel the effects of the candy. I won’t be distracted and pre-occupied. I think that the experience of eating candy consciously will be different than eating candy unconsciously. Maybe I will get my fill?? Maybe not....